By: Mionikoi

It was strange staring at Tom when his face turned green with pink polka dots. Or the fact that his hair had grown into antlers. Or how his face seemed to smoosh in even more. Essy was there too. It was strange though. Since when did she start wearing a pink flower around her waist? And why was her legs replaced with Jarix’s body?

Jackalope could feel herself pulled into the sky where she was soaring faster than ever. Especially with the extra pair of jet wings that grew from her back. She felt like the queen of the sky and casually slew hoards of darklings when her hands morphed into big cannon arms that machine gunned high explosive rounds.

She didn’t know why Kiran had to multiply and wear a funny hat, or grow fur on his face like Tom. Or why that ass of a horse replaced the sun. But whatever. She had fire giants to conquer because they were hoarding all the good hot stones.

She started with blasts of ice blasts that shot out from her hand-arm-guns as well as the silver rings that circled her wrists. The fire giants, evil red darklings with burning beards shrieked in horror and turned into frozen honey on a stick.

The rest of her friends joined her. Saph shot water from her cannons. Essy shot high pressure wind with draconic words from hers. Fengi shot arrows of light in the billions and Dakota just nagged them literally to death. The darkling fire giants threw themselves into the hellish ocean below.

Then the mushroom people started to pop out of the ground to award Jackalope with golden hot stones. They squeaked when they jumped up and down and offered her the golden warming stones.

That was when the original sun came back and sprouted eyes and it’s rays turned into tree roots that reached out and stole the warming stones. Jacky didn’t bother fighting it because the mushroom people brought more. And it used the warming stones to fight off the Kalestine-sun rival.

Then the Redtail planes started chasing corrupt red dragons in the sky while the pilots waved on by. Dirt became chocolate that everyone in the keep started shoveling into a big wooden building to pay for a set of enchanted gold armor that shined brightly. Only for some strange four legged critter to run off with it past the lake.

Jackalope shot at it with her arm cannons, but rabbits flew out with mice riding on their backs carrying thorn lances to do battle with squirrels riding green and blue butterflies.
Jackalope had to stop to tell her daughter Fengi to stop playing in the water.

Wait, why was her kid playing in the water? Get out of there! Why did Fengi have hair? And why did she have a kid and her kid was named Fengi? The real Fengi was dancing with one of those talking fish from Tom’s movie that was insisting she wear a flower pot on her head. And Tom was busy chasing Tinks who inflated into a blueberry balloon.

Her mom was ignoring all the madness while looking at Jackalope and telling her to get busy giving her grandchildren while she worked with Kulinger to make more cradles. That was when the Bitch came back demanding that all the cradles and baskets be confiscated because the keep was corrupt. Luckly the mushroom people grabbed her and dive bombed her back into hell where she belonged, screaming all the while.

Nunuk came to Jackalope soon after ordering the huntresses and guards to contain the five way war between the corn, the cabbage, the wheat, the melons and the sugar beats. And then Jack from that movie ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ joined in to do candy cane fencing with Santa Claus for control over the sinking Titanic.

The sixth army of rodents came to eat all the vegetables while a fire spitting four legged bushy tailed animal chased after them to drive them over the edge. The four legged animal then put on a dress, stood on two feet, and pulled out a tray trying to offer Jackalope tea while a third and fourth attempted to change her into something fancy. The animals began to multiply, taking over all of the chores around the keep until everyone was left sitting around a big hot tub while being served by the strange things.

Then the candles started flowing out of the keep and decided it was a good time to dance. Red smelt like eggs for some reason, the green candles smelt bitter, because of course they did. Jackalope found that she really liked the yellow ones because they smelt like honey, and the purple one smelt like wet socks. Then the giant lightning-fire breathing lizard rose from the ocean and began trying to sell them pickles.

It was at this point that Jackalope woke up. She looked at the bottle of wild brew and groaned. She heard the noise of sweeping outside of her door and decided to stick her head to glare at whoever thought it was a good idea to sweep at night. She looked down at a funny looking girl staring back at her holding a broom. The girl waved.

Jackalope pulled her head back through the door slowly and closed it. She looked back at the bottle of wild brew again. “I’m not drinking that again.” She said, and then thought better of it. “For a while, at least.”